B L O G
Dirty old
signs
And I have
many lives
Belgraid
‘All you
need is love‘ was one of the writings in our house, next to the dirty toilet in
fact. And another kind of cheesy one: ‘Don’t worry, be happy’. The drawings on
the walls of the living room, Selma scribbling and painting and talking all at
the same time. My friend and me in the hole of the sofa bed, loads of other
beautiful people around.
Long talks, beer, late nights, hard work, many
vegetables, wet feet, cold hands and hair nets. Dirty gloves and cuts in the
finger. Blood running down my skin, my legs not working properly.
So high, so
low, moving things, getting dressed, undressed and dressed again. The dogs, the
cat, the lovely familiar faces. Change, very visible and also invisible.
Laughter and cigarettes and more 2L beer. Joints and never ending weed. Drawing
session on the flat, more people coming, hanging, cutting hair and petting
dogs.
Back to work
now! Tons of dishes and oh, garlic and potatoes, don’t forget. Next morning,
8.30, it’s time, loud horrible pop music and screaming volunteers. First snow,
everyone going crazy, but we in bed, wondering if we should just stay. We get
up, the children need to be fed, it’s too bright and too cold. Socks everywhere,
clothes lost, just grab something. Waking up people and now let’s go. It’s
foggy, dogs are accompanying us, it’s like we’re family, yes we are.
Stop at the
shop, locals confused by our appearance. Cheese and bred and even more shorba. It’s
still beans and rice and lentils. I feel healthy from the salad. The coffee’s
bad, no more good one. Food from metal cups, eating on piles of jackets and
bags. The sofa is new, so dangerous, getting stuck there is very easy. Talking
also.
Old faces,
nostalgia shared, saying hi and bye and lots of traffic. Funny stories and tips
on drugs. Lovely helpful souls wherever we go. Parsley time, then drink wine,
the shitty one. Christof still in his one and only trousers, I wonder if he
ever washes them.
So drunk in the city on a table, don’t even know everyone’s
name. New faces, laughing fits and cuddles. Watching the fun, being in it,
feeling full, need to go back.
Being lost
in the dark, grand streets, no way back but the taxi. Dellusionised the lights
passing by my eyes, my fave person next to me, I feel like fully in a dream. ‘Please
slimping inside’, it’s important, we are so tired all the time. Finding artists
and soulmates and painting together. Spilling and failing and more laughing.
That’s what it’s all about.
I see the
sun after days of snow and grey. It’s so refreshing, taking a walk with a
friend, taking pictures, missed it so much, capturing the late light, old
houses and cars, children playing on dull grass. Sun is setting so fast, there’s
the bakery. Just eat something, it’s all good.
Walks in drunkenness, the best, half
reality, leaned towards a shack, no one looking, the room’s empty, so let’s do
it. A small noise, what’s that – oh the cat – so relieved. It’s not ideal, it’s
good, it’s even better, it’s now.
I start
making them count, the days, and time don’t matter, just the moments I count. People
around all the time, no privacy but communal living in comfort. Don’t have
something, just ask someone, no paper, go to warehouse, anything you need, there’s
always help, so much of it, you’re not alone.
No one has
an idea of whatsoever, just chilling, floating through, being there and
enjoying it. No matter long or short, we’re all there at one same time, sharing
it.
Real life or fantasy?
Dirty old
signs
And I have
many lives
Belgraid
‘All you
need is love‘ was one of the writings in our house, next to the dirty toilet in
fact. And another kind of cheesy one: ‘Don’t worry, be happy’. The drawings on
the walls of the living room, Selma scribbling and painting and talking all at
the same time. My friend and me in the hole of the sofa bed, loads of other
beautiful people around.
Long talks, beer, late nights, hard work, many
vegetables, wet feet, cold hands and hair nets. Dirty gloves and cuts in the
finger. Blood running down my skin, my legs not working properly.
So high, so
low, moving things, getting dressed, undressed and dressed again. The dogs, the
cat, the lovely familiar faces. Change, very visible and also invisible.
Laughter and cigarettes and more 2L beer. Joints and never ending weed. Drawing
session on the flat, more people coming, hanging, cutting hair and petting
dogs.
Back to work
now! Tons of dishes and oh, garlic and potatoes, don’t forget. Next morning,
8.30, it’s time, loud horrible pop music and screaming volunteers. First snow,
everyone going crazy, but we in bed, wondering if we should just stay. We get
up, the children need to be fed, it’s too bright and too cold. Socks everywhere,
clothes lost, just grab something. Waking up people and now let’s go. It’s
foggy, dogs are accompanying us, it’s like we’re family, yes we are.
Stop at the
shop, locals confused by our appearance. Cheese and bred and even more shorba. It’s
still beans and rice and lentils. I feel healthy from the salad. The coffee’s
bad, no more good one. Food from metal cups, eating on piles of jackets and
bags. The sofa is new, so dangerous, getting stuck there is very easy. Talking
also.
Old faces,
nostalgia shared, saying hi and bye and lots of traffic. Funny stories and tips
on drugs. Lovely helpful souls wherever we go. Parsley time, then drink wine,
the shitty one. Christof still in his one and only trousers, I wonder if he
ever washes them.
So drunk in the city on a table, don’t even know everyone’s
name. New faces, laughing fits and cuddles. Watching the fun, being in it,
feeling full, need to go back.
Being lost
in the dark, grand streets, no way back but the taxi. Dellusionised the lights
passing by my eyes, my fave person next to me, I feel like fully in a dream. ‘Please
slimping inside’, it’s important, we are so tired all the time. Finding artists
and soulmates and painting together. Spilling and failing and more laughing.
That’s what it’s all about.
I see the
sun after days of snow and grey. It’s so refreshing, taking a walk with a
friend, taking pictures, missed it so much, capturing the late light, old
houses and cars, children playing on dull grass. Sun is setting so fast, there’s
the bakery. Just eat something, it’s all good.
Walks in drunkenness, the best, half
reality, leaned towards a shack, no one looking, the room’s empty, so let’s do
it. A small noise, what’s that – oh the cat – so relieved. It’s not ideal, it’s
good, it’s even better, it’s now.
I start
making them count, the days, and time don’t matter, just the moments I count. People
around all the time, no privacy but communal living in comfort. Don’t have
something, just ask someone, no paper, go to warehouse, anything you need, there’s
always help, so much of it, you’re not alone.
No one has
an idea of whatsoever, just chilling, floating through, being there and
enjoying it. No matter long or short, we’re all there at one same time, sharing
it.
Real life or fantasy?
Dirty old signs
Streetdogs
Morning fog
Nice people
all around me
Hugging,
kissing, missing
Twirling
thoughts
What’s
going on?
A life, a
crisis, a chaos?
Squeaky
buses and no rent
Wooden beds,
many blankets
More dirt
than people
Beer and
fear and joy and Rakia
I am
drawing the scene
Time washing
by, it’s almost midnight
We go out,
out of the bubble
The hustle
is becoming real
Why am I here?
Nostalgia
and unreality and everything in between
I am fitting
in, am I?
Amazing thoughts
and flow so high
I didn’t even
take a pill
I survive
on supermarket food and packaged sugarbars
Coffee,
more coffee and then hummus with bred
It’s all
too late, no it’s not
Emotionally
unstable
Something is
always going on
I want to
forget and not regret
But both is
so difficult
And I have
many lives
Belgraid
‘All you
need is love‘ was one of the writings in our house, next to the dirty toilet in
fact. And another kind of cheesy one: ‘Don’t worry, be happy’. The drawings on
the walls of the living room, Selma scribbling and painting and talking all at
the same time. My friend and me in the hole of the sofa bed, loads of other
beautiful people around.
Long talks, beer, late nights, hard work, many
vegetables, wet feet, cold hands and hair nets. Dirty gloves and cuts in the
finger. Blood running down my skin, my legs not working properly.
So high, so
low, moving things, getting dressed, undressed and dressed again. The dogs, the
cat, the lovely familiar faces. Change, very visible and also invisible.
Laughter and cigarettes and more 2L beer. Joints and never ending weed. Drawing
session on the flat, more people coming, hanging, cutting hair and petting
dogs.
Back to work
now! Tons of dishes and oh, garlic and potatoes, don’t forget. Next morning,
8.30, it’s time, loud horrible pop music and screaming volunteers. First snow,
everyone going crazy, but we in bed, wondering if we should just stay. We get
up, the children need to be fed, it’s too bright and too cold. Socks everywhere,
clothes lost, just grab something. Waking up people and now let’s go. It’s
foggy, dogs are accompanying us, it’s like we’re family, yes we are.
Stop at the
shop, locals confused by our appearance. Cheese and bred and even more shorba. It’s
still beans and rice and lentils. I feel healthy from the salad. The coffee’s
bad, no more good one. Food from metal cups, eating on piles of jackets and
bags. The sofa is new, so dangerous, getting stuck there is very easy. Talking
also.
Old faces,
nostalgia shared, saying hi and bye and lots of traffic. Funny stories and tips
on drugs. Lovely helpful souls wherever we go. Parsley time, then drink wine,
the shitty one. Christof still in his one and only trousers, I wonder if he
ever washes them.
So drunk in the city on a table, don’t even know everyone’s
name. New faces, laughing fits and cuddles. Watching the fun, being in it,
feeling full, need to go back.
Being lost
in the dark, grand streets, no way back but the taxi. Dellusionised the lights
passing by my eyes, my fave person next to me, I feel like fully in a dream. ‘Please
slimping inside’, it’s important, we are so tired all the time. Finding artists
and soulmates and painting together. Spilling and failing and more laughing.
That’s what it’s all about.
I see the
sun after days of snow and grey. It’s so refreshing, taking a walk with a
friend, taking pictures, missed it so much, capturing the late light, old
houses and cars, children playing on dull grass. Sun is setting so fast, there’s
the bakery. Just eat something, it’s all good.
Everybody
in the bar, interrupting a pool game, long conversations with kind of familiar faces.
Sharing experiences and feeling connected.
Walks in drunkenness, the best, half
reality, leaned towards a shack, no one looking, the room’s empty, so let’s do
it. A small noise, what’s that – oh the cat – so relieved. It’s not ideal, it’s
good, it’s even better, it’s now.
I start
making them count, the days, and time don’t matter, just the moments I count. People
around all the time, no privacy but communal living in comfort. Don’t have
something, just ask someone, no paper, go to warehouse, anything you need, there’s
always help, so much of it, you’re not alone.
No one has
an idea of whatsoever, just chilling, floating through, being there and
enjoying it. No matter long or short, we’re all there at one same time, sharing
it.
Real life or fantasy?
I was there and I thought to myself: Is this the real life or is this
just fantasy? Repetingly every single day.
I asked other people what they felt like and they always responded with: No, this is not the real world, but also not a fantasy, you know. It is real life but on another level, kind of like in another dimension. Let’s call it paradise.
I asked other people what they felt like and they always responded with: No, this is not the real world, but also not a fantasy, you know. It is real life but on another level, kind of like in another dimension. Let’s call it paradise.
That was not exactly what everyone answered when I asked them, but kinda
sorta what I would have liked to hear more. Though the first sentence someone
said to me when I was curious. She told me also the paradise thing and that she
was soon to be going to another world called paradise. So many paradises out
there.
So I was going on with wondering day by day, what I should name this
wild time. Was it just a new adventure, a lifetime experience, another chapter
in my life I would never forget? I guess it is all of that. It was definitely a
wild adventure at many times, even if we were not jumping from rocks into
unknown waters, but literally, if you see it as a metaphor, it was exactly like
that. Crazy times, is the only thing I could say to these three weeks when
somebody asked me after I had just left this crazy place. And I think that’s the
only description that justifies the experience.
Where was I? Right, fantasy!
When I now think back and reverse some crazy memories in my mind, the
whole scenario seems incredibly far away. It feels indeed like it was happening
in another world. Out there somewhere, but far away (from reality) for sure. Thinking
about it brings me sometimes joy, other times not so much.
Recently I was asking myself if all this was maybe just a dream and
never actually happened, so I was running around and searching for evidences
from this trip. I didn’t find many, but I got some that should be enough to
prove to myself that it was fucking real. Maybe more real than anything before.
And I came to realize that because I felt deeply inside that something
had changed since I came back.
That my view on the world shifted again a little bit and I go through life
differently that a few months back. No one might seem to notice that, but I
indeed do. I can very well remember how different some things were to me
before. And that is basically the only prove I have. I’ve changed, I’ve grown
and I’ve learned a bunch. There is no better way to state that you had unique
experiences, mindblowing makes your mind grow, and this can only happen in
reality.
Unexpectedly
overwhelming
It is 7am
in the morning and I am still sleepy. Preparing my morning coffee with kardamon
powder and boiling water from the kettle I collect my things and put them into
my small backpack. In approximately 10 minutes Yoash is gonna pick me up with
his Jeep to drive me inside the desert, to the beginning of a trail. It’s most
stunning in the morning, he promised me yesterday when he told me he was going
to Tel Aviv early and could drop me somewhere along the way for
a nice morning hike.
And so he
did. We drove for about an hour until he turned into a dirt road, only made for
pedestrians and Jeeps. Since I've never really been on a Jeep before driving
through the desert, I had no idea that it can be pretty bumpy. Luckily the
bumpy ride was not very long and we arrived at the starting point of the trail.
It was a very foggy morning and I could barely see two metres ahead of me. The
whole way driving there was fog all over the ground and Yoash explainded to me
that the valley we were in has earlier been a big river. So the water is still
somewhere deeply underground, that’s why on some mornings all the dust rises
from the surface. Interesting, that’s why I couldn’t see anything for the first
hour of walking. It was somewhat intimidating but also magical. Rime and drops
of water were still in the desert plants, spider nets were full of thousands of
tiny drops. I had to stop and take a picture.
Although the
estimated day temperature was about 20 degrees, I was still freezing with a
jacket on that morning. But that was soon to be changing when I saw the rocky hill
in front of me that I had to climb. And it was really a climb, I had to stop
twice, because I was so out of breath and had to take more pictures of the stunning
view that already lay beneath me. When I reached the very top which was the
highest point in the area, I felt like on top of the world, seriously. There
were clouds all around me, I only hiked for half an hour and I was above the
clouds! The view was just too amazing, I couldn’t hold my breath, was running
around on the plateau, taking more pictures and then standing still to appreciate that magical moment. I was able to be here, outside in the desert with no
one else around, just me and nature coming together and having an
incredible moment.
For me that
morning in the desert was one of the most memorable ones of all the trails I’ve
done. It was mostly because the light and dust situation was so different from
what I’ve seen before. Also still with the sleep in my eyes and slowly waking
up by walking the path, I woke up to a totally new world. Everything was bright
and so clear. The air was almost too fresh, so much there for me to breath in.
At the peak I didn’t know where to look, nature was overwhelming me.
It's almost
incredible, but before that time in the Negev desert I never considered myself a
person that seeks these deep connections with nature. I’ve barely been out
hiking in the past few years and I have never been to the desert before. That’s
probably why I fell unconditionally in love. All the dust and the dryness and
the foggy mornings. All the lessons I learnt from just being out there, by myself, facing the bare truth.
Toda raba.